For years and years, I have equated the answer to that question to receiving praise from the invisible people floating around in the corners of my mind. Shortly after my first real break-up, I equated it to moments of intense emotion: that is to say any moment in which I felt extreme relief or sadness felt akin to a giant turning point a main character would face in a film or TV show.
Now…. I don’t know what the real response is. You can’t live your life for others, imagined or real. And, you can’t experience intense movie-esque moments every second— life just doesn’t pan out that way (no matter how dramatic you are).
So, what’s the answer? And, is one only successful if main character status is always in effect? Unkown. I hope not. The amount of hours I spend sleeping, staring at the TV, zoning out with my headphones blasting, or simply scratching my ass just don’t seem conducive to a lifetime of main-character-hood.
Or does it? Maybe…. Just maybe…. Being uninterestingly normal is what being a main-character is. I mean, isn’t that what makes most complex characters and celebrities iconic, their similarities to us (the normies)?
Maybe somewhere out there, outside the simulation of life, someone is watching me stare at the city sky-line, thinking “OMG. THIS IS GOING TO BE SUCH A GOOD SHOW. ITS GIVING GOSSIP GIRL.” Maybe someone else is thinking, “Another dumb NYC show. SKIP.” Yet, neither of these would affect the fact that I am in fact the star of the show, the star of my own life.
THAT!
I think, to my surprise, my 10:39pm scribble scratch has answered this ridiculous riddle I posed moments prior. Being the main character of your life means being YOU. It means doing whatever you think would feel amazing, satisfying, necessary, correct, safe, challenging, crazy, new, novel. It’s being YOU regardless of what the ratings say, what the critics say, or what people watching think. It’s not their show. It’s not their life. It’s YOURS.
As for me, tearing up on the L train listening to some Jackson Wang as I process adult complex shit is giving MAJOR W MAIN CHARACTER PLOT. I don’t give a shit who’d watch, listen, or read this content. I’m just doing it for ME.
But, I am still a sucker for validation…
So, share this if it resonated. DUH.
Oh, and I’ll be sharing more META random thoughts like this. 100% for me but open for viewing.
XOXO,
Kayci Rose
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