In about a month, I will be entering my late 20s. It feels unreal to type that. It feels even more unreal to admit that I actually feel 25 going on 26. It feels big because when I started this year, I felt like I was still 23. These past 365 days have aged me thrice the amount they're supposed to.
"How?" you ask. Let me give you a quick run-through of some of my huge life experiences the past year.
I started my 25th year of life with a tendinitis flare up, a callback to when my dumb ass fell and tore ligaments in my wrist on my 24th birthday. On the bright side, I gave myself my first ever birthday present & had a photoshoot. Unfortunately, I'm a January baby so I was freezing my ass in these cold NYC streets.
Still cute tho, I know. (This photo & Cover Photo by Andrew Bisdale).
Next Big Thing? I went to my first speed dating event ON VALENTINES DAY. I met a lot of characters that night and got pretty wasted. Ya know what else happened? This boy I'd been crushing on and in weird talking/flirting stages with finally got the balls to tell me he likes me. Cut to a couple days later and he became my very first boyfriend.
Around the time we started dating, I also stepped my foot back into the theatre scene. I rediscovered why I loved the craft so much & was excited for life, co-producing a short film. I had my own very small production company and was generally hyped for everyday life.
But, of course, things can't be rainbows & sunshine all the time. The short I was producing was the actual definition of hellfire. Had me like:
I don't wanna get too into this bit because I'm trying to leave that chaos in my past. But, long-story short, I was kicked off the project, my company was threatened to be stolen, I almost lost $3,500, and I was ultimately not credited for anything I did on the project......
Yeah, me too.
How do you bounce back from that? Homie, I am still trying to figure that one out. I had another show in production but my co-producers started making waves in their own career which took them in different directions. I stay happy as hell for them; they are thriving and I loveee to see it. I had a third show in production but the short-film drama mixed with the slow disbanding of my favorite project ever killed my motivation to continue producing things. I kinda stopped doing everything.
My life slowly became something I was surviving instead of living. Of course, I had beautiful moments with friends, family, and my man... those always make me feel alive, loved, held, and supported. But on my own.... I struggled to enjoy things. Life just felt hard and art felt hard. Everything just felt heavy & it made a lot of simple things complicated.
A crap ton of hard days eventually led me to think of "what's next" and "how do I get there?" I started hyper-focusing on finances. I wanted to build credit & become an adult-adult.... whatever the hell that is.... Yeah, that shit eventually backfired on me. I have amazing credit but I also have 7 credit cards and a lot less money then I started the year with.
Yeah, ya win some & ya lose some.
I just wanted my own place at this point; that somehow equaled "true" adulthood to me. Eventually, I found out that I didn't make enough to rent, let alone buy my own spot.
OOF
This new information stifled me & made me sit with myself for a long time pondering what I could do in life that would bring me joy. I landed on school counseling. Yup, ya girl decided she was going back to school to get a masters in school counseling.
Yes. I finally felt excited for something, finally felt like I was going somewhere. This decision also made art feel fun again because it wasn't life-or-death I need to be Anita in West Side Story for the check but yeah-sure I'll be Tree #7 in Into the Woods for free.
Flash forward to today: I am sitting next to my boyfriend on a GreyHound to Boston for our second couple's vacation where we plan to start a journey of finding our most authentic selves.
That's what Chapter 26 is. Chapter 26 is a public journal & vlog where I document my journey this coming year as I attempt to find my truest self once more.
So, look forward to it.
Hopefully, it's somewhat relatable.
Xoxo,
Kayci Rose
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